Rads Lifes

Wine doesn't make me drunk, it just makes me light headed and then it goes away.

The first time I ever got drunk was in 8th grade. I chugged one of those big bottles of cheap red wine. I felt great for about 15 minutes and then vomited a vile black spew. Luckily, my friend's brother had a birthday that night, so when the Mom came up to see what the commotion was all about, my friend just told her I had too much cake and she went away. I can only imagine what that Mother thought as she walked away from a fresh pile of digested wine on her carpet.

I am very thankful this Thanksgiving. Having two turkeys tomorrow. One grilled, one brined? I always look on past Thanksgivings with great fondness. It's so ridiculous in so many ways, but just so great. Drinking, eating, talking, and football. They don't do things like this in Nigeria.

And gas is like $1.67!

Did you know at the 1st Thanksgiving reportedly only 4 women made the big meal for 400 people? Hardcore.

"Hanging on the Telephone" by the Nerves is one of the best songs I've ever heard in my life. Period. It's like Television and Sleater Kinney and the Beatles all rolled into one. But perfect.

I don't care for the Blondie version.

The Nerves' "anthology" "One Way Ticket" was just released by Bomp Records and includes all their recorded tracks (six from their sole release) and then a bunch of live tracks (some sounding better than others). I bought it digitally on iTunes for cheap. I also bought it from Bomp for $14 for a red colored vinyl version that's only 1 of 500. It's funny but if you YouTube "The Nerves," a recent in-studio at Waterloo or some record store in Austin will be one of the few things that pops up. The Nerves (all bald and old looking) play the seminal song, giving it their darndest.

One thing about being single: your ex-girlfriend doesn't get a single drop of the new music you buy. It's funny I was thinking today, 8 months later, we're driving around, having a great time, FRIENDS, just having so much fun, and she's like "So ummm....I meant to ask you. That music you downloaded? The Nerves? The Birthday Party? Lilliput? All that great shit? Can I like.......burn that stuff and put it on my computer?"

And I will laugh and go "NO." And glare.

Music is a very personal thing to me. Once you exit the building, there is no getting back in.

It's funny when I first started coming back to Sugar Land for holidays, I always thought I had something to prove. There were girls, and people in high school, and kids from college. It was a big grab bag of post-teenage partying and nonsense. People had sex, and shot of fireworks, and bands played. That's all long gone though, as probably since Summer 2007 it's just turned into a big health spa for me. No friends, no enemies, no partie, no lust. All it is is a nice dinner with my parents, some boring movies, a lot less booze (it's there, I just don't grab it), bike rides, tennis, and taking it easy. This used to bother me at first, but now I just enjoy it. I feel bad for kids who have to leave MSU to go back to Detroit or some crap.

Salty Texas, "Says Good Mornin'!" is coming out with a new album in Spring '09 hopefully. I have thirteen songs right now, so why not? I am trying to finish 5 more for quality purposes (only the best get it) but it should work. I am glad no one probably knows what Salty Texas is. Keep 'em guessing.

Their is nothing wrong with sucking the juice that flows off the suburbs smooth soft skin.

Ways in Which I Am Different Now

I am single.
I cut down a lot on beer.
I ride my bike everyday anywhere from 6-12 miles.
I quit cooking.
I don't read books unless they are assigned.

But I watch the same amount of movies.

You know how if you never get depressed, you get depressed one day, it really hurts you regardless of the degree of depression. But if you are depressed everyday, some depressed days are better than others b/c "hey, i was 3x as depressed last week. i may be depressed right now, but it could be worse." Yeah.

Boring Girls

By Pissed Jeans. Excellent song:

There's only one type of girl on my mind
She's always on my mind
When I leave the house, I see them outside
They're always on my mind
I think of a girl that I really really need
That money can't buy
I would never be mean to these girls
They're always on my mind
Oh I want to smile for boring girls
I would walk a mile for boring girls
Oh I want to touch those boring girls
I hope I'm not too much for boring girls

There's only one type of girl on my mind
She's always on my mind
When I leave my house I see them outside
They're always on my mind
This is a girl that money can't buy
You know you caught my eye
There's only one type of girl on my mind
She's always on my mind
This is a girl that money can't buy
You know you caught my eye
There's only one type of girl on my mind
She's always on my mind

Oh I want to touch those boring girls
I hope I'm not too much for boring girls
Oh I want to kiss those boring girls
When they're gone I miss those boring girls
Oh I want to touch those boring girls
I hope I'm not too much for boring girls
Oh I want to kiss those boring girls
I know I miss those boring girls

Luckie

This is my old roommate at UTSA, one of three, and his name is Demetrius.
He was always very quiet, but a nice fellow.

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Life Candy: Fat Lady Eating Pizza - #3

I swear to all that's holy, a mere two weeks after seeing a fat guy chomping on ice cream outside the TSM building at UT, in the exactly same spot I saw something amazing one Friday. This time I was not waiting for a ride against my will to West Texas, no sire, this time I was getting on my bike to ride home up Duval.

And I saw, driving in a black American sedan from the late 90s, blasting the Dixie Chicks really loud, a fat lady eating a piece of pizza and licking her fingers.

Yes my friends. The American Dream.

Soon to come: Morrissey lyrics and drinking. Has or does Mr. Moz really ever have a few of the alcomohols? He'd like to make you think so.

Dead Milkmen Interview!!!

Last Saturday morning before FUN FUN FUN FEST. here in Austin, Ben Seligson and I and a few of his buddies set up an interview with the Dead Milkmen. This weekend is Fun Fun Fun Fest, so we were like "Let's get some bands!" The Milkmen JUST reunited for the first time in four years, so we were like "yeah right that'll never happen." So we asked a bunch of other bands to come in for in-studio shows/interviews. We asked Minus the Bear, the Spinto Band, Dan Deacon, and a few others. We figure, "Well at-least we can get to do some of these guys since the Milkmen won't wanna come."

Guess who was the only one of all the above bands to not cocktease us by never confirming a show or interview with KVRX even though their managers kept emailing us telling us they were totally working on it or that it was 99% possible.

The Dead Milkmen. And their show was so good, it knocked all the other bands I saw that day out of the water. Excpet Municipal Waste who were pretty awesome. "BEEEEEERRRR PRESSURE!!!!"

Check out the interview below. I'll be honest, I always kept getting the guys confused, especially when I met them. I thought Rodney was the singer, but when I met him he didn't act like a singer, so I thought wait "Dean sings? No he plays drums." It was confusing, but as soon as Rodney Anonymous got on stage last night he was like 18 yr. Rodney all over again. They sounded so great!!!! And they covered Bauhaus.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/51068813b1b0f336/

Life Candy: Hipster vs. Fat Lady - #2

So I went to American Apparel day before Halloween (to buy a tank top - long story short, I was going to go as Peter Kriss of Kiss in a jogging outfit, but it was another terrible idea of mine and it all went to hell and I ended up going as, well, a guy wearing a tank top who carried a bottle of gin around; needless to say it wasn't the most exciting Halloween of the decade), to desperately attempt to salvage any hope for a decent Halloween costume , and I am walking around the store and there are so really obnoxious blonde girls trying things on. I had nothing against them, but they were really loud, and said dumb things of the "Candice that is so hot!" and "Jennifer I'm going as a troll!!!" variety. Whatever. So I am in line, and one of the blonde people exits the dressing room and gives shape to her voice and it turns out she's really fat. Like no bueno big. Whatever. I'm in line and she goes up to the ad nauseum hipster working the counter (Asian hipster dressed as Peter Pan) and says, "Hey just wanted to let you know, next time you make fun of customers out loud while they are trying things on and you think they can't hear you, maybe you should do it a little louder next time so they can know how big a of a BITCH you're being." The hipster is admittedly shocked, but manages a snarky "Have a nice DAY!!!!" and continues working as the fat lady exits the store. I have no idea where her blonde compatriots toddled off to, but either way they were gone.

The thing that got me about this scenario was I had no in the moment context to go on. Assuming I had to root for someone in the confrontation, the only way I could judge the situation would be to use generalized biases and stereotypes associated with the groups the people seemed to belong to. These would to help me form a judgement and opinion on the matter since I arrived too late in the scene to tell what was really gone on and who really crossed the line. So I go with what I know. For example, I judge the hipster as a semi-affluent, pretentious, silly, useless person. And the fat lady as a loud, brackish, unhealthy, vacuous person. But these significations are totally bogus when you think about them as a basis of judgement --- sure it might be fun to use one every now and again towards the butt of a joke ("hipster walks into a bar..."), but to use both together and nothing else to figure out how you stand on a complex, heated, social situation? That's totally biased thinking right there. That's not knowing nearly enough facts. Now you could say I had no business judging a situation I happened to waltz into ignorantly, but it's my world too. Let me interpret. Life is boring! Stuff like this is what it's all about.

So I was in a quandary. Even if I was still to go with my biases, I didn't like either person. So who to choose. It was like having to decide between a vulture and a hyena in a fight in the African savvanah. You really have no preference either way.

The best part though, was after the fat lady left, another hipster employee comes up to the Peter Pan hipster and states, "ummm Christina, what do you want on your pizza?" The Peter Pan hipster curtly replies as she forcefully scans an electric pink pair of hot pants for a customer, "I don't WANT pizza!"

Age Death

Help Me Obi-Wan Kenobi, You're My Only Hope

I sat at a table of people last night, and they all enthusiastically thought Henry Rollins was a total douche. OK the gym shorts thing is pretty embarrassing, but he's not THAT bad?

I am now single. For the first time in 3 years. It's scary, and it hurts, but it feels pretty good. I am looking forward to clean living, real living; to an extent.

"Out of this World" by Black Flag is an excellent song to listen to when you're angry and want to laugh a little.

Obama-Nation. I don't like that pun, but I don't mind the idea. 

Man, last night was the best 5 hours of sleep I've had in a long while.

Fun Fun Fun Fest this weekend. I got a ticket for Saturday for free, and I was thinking of getting one for Sunday as well, but that just seems like too much. It's such a long weekend of music, I'd be alone for most of it, so it seems pretty stupid to go Sunday just to dude-bro it alone on my lonesome. I think I will just stick with Saturday.

Nothing else to say.

Life Candy: Fat Guy Eating Ice Cream - #1

While waiting outside TSM on Whitis to be picked up to be whisked off to West Texas for  the day (another epic story in and of itself), I saw a fat man with a beard trotting alone at a comfortable pace eating an ice cream cone and chatting on his cell phone. It was a Drumstick. Some of it was stuck in the top part of his beard. He was about 1/2 done. He seemed really satisfied.

It made me really happy. It also made me want to eat an ice cream. And gain 60 pounds.